so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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