dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is Oprah even human
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
