i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
