I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
