i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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