I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
