he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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