I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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