you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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