Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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