I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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