i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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