i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
