i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
im on a boat
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