dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
