Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
