He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
