I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
