I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
