laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
