she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
