She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
