It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
