this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
