Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
