He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
