Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
