They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You have to summon your inner elephant
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
