Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just google imaged poop.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
