just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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