I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
