Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
