well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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