So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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