chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
