PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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