Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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