i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
