Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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