hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
