Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
