if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
