he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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