Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
