i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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