He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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