I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I stole a fireplace last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
