All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
