I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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