He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
