yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
