im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
