It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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