My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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