mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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