Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
