he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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