the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
