do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
