he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
